If you're feeling trust, then you know who I am...

Sat, 30 Aug 2003 09:00:33 GMT

Happy belated third birthday, livejournal.

And tonight's episode...

Mon, 04 Aug 2003 21:12:21 GMT

Drunken dirt road driving, car surfing, Tilly Willy (again), and possibly another attempt at the bowl. We're looking for one more person to join us, call me.

DAMNIT

Mon, 04 Aug 2003 16:50:56 GMT

The cops almost got us AGAIN last night. It was like a movie where the three stoner kids run across the field, narrowly avoiding the cop's spotlight. Fuck the police. Needless to say we never smoked a bowl in the bowl, BUT WE WILL. By god, we will TRIUMPH.

"What time does it close?" "Sunset." "What does that mean?" "....When the sun goes down?"

Sun, 03 Aug 2003 22:23:57 GMT

Last night was...amazing. Absolutely fucking amazing. I haven't been to a good redneck party in way too long. We partied with the entire high school football team and their bitches in a barn in the middle of nowhere. The cops came and we thought we were going to jail. Smoked some fucking good ass weed, drank a bunch of beer and just generally made asses of ourselves all over town. THEN, we went to PEPITO'S HOUSE. AHH, I've missed him so. He's got some creepy ass fucking friends though.

I will summarize.

Skate park, cheap wine, 6pm.

Walmart, more cheap wine, 8pm

My house, hard liquor, 9pm

Ghetto ass barn, 2 kegs, amazing weed, Gangsta boo Jamie, sherriff 9pm-12am

Walmart, interpretive dancing, yelling at people 12am-1am

My house, food, arguing, 1am-1:30am

"Going to Taco Bell" ending up at gas station, Weird Frank guy, PEPITO!!, Fayetteville cop, driving (kinda), Franks Apartment, Vodka, 2am to whenever.

And it's fucking on again tonight. Smoking a bowl in the bowl, BITCHES IT'S ON!

Fri, 01 Aug 2003 21:07:37 GMT

Time to make another huge decision. My parents just called and said they didn't get a load going west and they wont get one for 2 weeks. I have to decide if I want to drive 1200 miles alone, or wait out 2 more weeks here with no money and no job so I can follow them out there. Waiting 2 more weeks means I'll have to say goodbye all over again. I don't know what to do. Maybe this is a sign?

You know...

Thu, 31 Jul 2003 03:45:32 GMT

I can't decide if no one really believes that I'm leaving, or they just don't care.

REMINDER TO MYSELF

Wed, 30 Jul 2003 07:35:39 GMT

"They don't exactly hire the sharpest pharmacists to work late at night, the only people that come in then for help with diagnosing something have something seriously wrong with them, LIKE THEY BEEN SHOT!"

The lady a few tables down laughed like 5 minutes. So did we. HAHA. I just don't realize how loud I am I guess.

Fri, 25 Jul 2003 18:08:54 GMT

"Safe on the interstate
New York is three thousand miles away
And I'm not looking forward to following through
But it's better than always running back into you
I've closed my eyes and my bank account
And gone west, young man

Take off the parking brake
Go coasting into a different state And I'm not looking forward to missing you but I must have something better to do
I've got to tear my life apart and go west, young man
And it feels like I've got something to prove
But in some ways it's just something to do
My friends turn me around and say, 'You go west, young man'"

Ooooooooh yeah. So the show last night, well last night in general I guess, that's the kind of thing that's making it hard for me to leave. Fayetteville has such character and history, I love it. I can always come back I guess.

I'm leaving a week from today!

EDIT: I fucking suck at packing. Big time. I need help. Hahah

Tue, 22 Jul 2003 20:42:50 GMT

I'm just not cut out to be a girly girl. Oh well.

Sat, 19 Jul 2003 04:55:22 GMT

Two weeks. I can't wait.

Fri, 18 Jul 2003 06:24:58 GMT

At the ripe old age of 19, I am tired.

I'm tired of never being thin enough, of not being beautiful enough, of always being "one of the guys", of trying so fucking hard to live up to expectations, I'm tired of waking up every day and hating who I see in the mirror, of writing and writing and writing and never feeling any better, I'm tired of avoiding people, of trying to be cool, of always being bored.

I am tired of this life...and myself.

And I'm sitting in the dark writing letters that will never be sent.

FUCK

Wed, 16 Jul 2003 02:42:13 GMT

Well my mom just basically told me that I'm not welcome in Tucson. What the fuck am I going to do? I CAN'T stay here. I hate this fucking town. I have absolutely no friends. Not one. I am so fucked. SO fucked. I should drive my car into a fucking tree at 100mph, then my dad wouldn't have to pay for it after I'm dead. I can't even fucking describe how I feel right now.

Let me try again...

Tue, 15 Jul 2003 19:59:34 GMT

Let's see if I can make this clear. I am leaving. Hopefully in a week or less. There are very very few circumstances under which I will stay here. One of them is a boy whom I rarely even speak to anymore. Once again, I'm leaving. I really don't appreciate being harassed about it either. I'm not staying here. The end.

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 05:14:19 GMT

And I'm sitting alone in the dark on the porch smoking cigarettes and trying to figure out where I fucked up. It's time for me to start being honest with myself. I just keep wondering when I'm going to start feeling like an adult. I need an earth shattering tragedy to jolt me back into reality. I need to figure out what's really important in life. I need to get out of here.

Wed, 09 Jul 2003 19:38:03 GMT

In my mind I'm already gone. I hate this fucking town and it's two faced asshole people. Twelve days. Twelve fucking days.

I need to get motivated god damnit.

Tue, 08 Jul 2003 18:36:26 GMT

I'm leaving in TWO weeks, and I really haven't started packing or anything. AHH. And something is wrong with my car. And I don't have any money, and I'm scared. But OH SO EXCITED. YAAY. I'm getting my cell phone shut off tomorrow so if you need my home and work numbers leave a comment and I'll hook a nigga up. YAAY!

Hell YUH!

Sat, 05 Jul 2003 18:52:13 GMT

I celebrated the 4th in true white trash fashion. I closed Subway early (shhh) and went to Tonya's house where they were waiting for me with a fat fucking blunt. We smoked on the front lawn, set off $100 bucks worth of fireworks and ate steaks and peach cobbler. There were like 5 little dirty kids running around and two huge Boxer doggies. Happy birthday America! Hahaha.

AH

Sun, 29 Jun 2003 19:28:32 GMT

Ever since I moved back in with my parents I'm only sleeping like 5 hours a night. I have a LOT of spare time. Good thing they have satellite TEEVEE.

I started eating meat again, by the way. Who knew turkey was so good?!

Sat, 28 Jun 2003 09:13:53 GMT

And once again I stumble in very late and very confused.

I
just
don't
know
anything
anymore.

Yes fucking ma'am!

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 19:25:31 GMT

LOS ANGELES (June 27) - Smoking marijuana will certainly affect perception, but it does not cause permanent brain damage, researchers from the University of California at San Diego said Friday in a study.

"The findings were kind of a surprise. One might have expected to see more impairment of higher mental function," said Dr. Igor Grant, a UCSD professor of psychiatry and the study's lead author. Other illegal drugs, or even alcohol, can cause brain damage.

His team analyzed data from 15 previously published, controlled studies into the impact of long-term, recreational cannabis use on the neurocognitive ability of adults.

The studies tested the mental functions of routine pot smokers, but not while they were actually high, Grant said.

The results, published in the July issue of the Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, show that marijuana has only a marginally harmful long-term effect on learning and memory.

No effect at all was seen on other functions, including reaction time, attention, language, reasoning ability, and perceptual and motor skills.

Grant said the findings are particularly significant amid questions about marijuana's long-term toxicity now that several states are considering whether to make it available as a medicinal drug.

In California, growing marijuana for medical purposes is legal under a voter-approved law.

The UCSD analysis of studies involving 704 long-term cannabis users and 484 nonusers was sponsored by a state-supported program that oversees research into the use of cannabis to treat certain diseases.

Anecdotal evidence has shown that marijuana can help ease pain in patients with diseases like multiple sclerosis or prevent severe nausea in cancer patients, but the effects have yet to be proven in controlled studies, Grant said.

The UCSD research team said the problems observed in learning and forgetting suggest that long-term marijuana use results in selective memory defects, but said the impact was of a very small magnitude.

"If we barely find this tiny effect in long-term heavy users of cannabis, then we are unlikely to see deleterious side effects in individuals who receive cannabis for a short time in a medical setting," Grant said.

In addition, he noted that heavy marijuana users often abuse other drugs, such as alcohol and amphetamines, which also might have long-term neurological effects.

Some of the research studies used in the analysis were limited by the numbers of subjects or insufficient information about factors like exposure to other drugs or whether participants suffered from conditions like depression or personality disorders.

"If it turned out that new studies find that cannabis is helpful in treating some medical conditions, this enables us to see a marginal level of safety," Grant said.

"And I LAUGHED!!!!!"

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 06:19:59 GMT

This is from like...months ago when Tanner and got stoned together
on the internet. I was fucking chowing down on some peanuts and then I started to think about it...

DarkerGrey: Do peanuts make you shit?
DarkerGrey: DO THEY?
DarkerGrey: TANNER I NEED TO KNOW!

HAHA. I miss her.

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 03:55:53 GMT

I am so fucking bored.

FUCK. This was one of the first things I was going to do...

Sat, 21 Jun 2003 19:08:49 GMT

TUCSON, Ariz. (June 21) - A growing wildfire swept over a ridge of television and radio towers and appeared to have entered a ski area after burning about 250 homes in a mountain hamlet, authorities said Saturday.

With the flames still out of control, firefighters feared it would char tens of thousands of acres before they could stop it.

The fire had grown to more than 6,300 acres by Saturday and continued to threaten what remained of Summerhaven, as well as surrounding homes on Mount Lemmon. Crews concentrated Saturday on digging lines to try to control the blaze and protect homes, transmission towers and an observatory, said Heidi Schewel, a fire spokeswoman.

One tower was damaged, she said. She had no further details.

Firefighters are in for ''a long, hard-fought contest,'' said Larry Humphrey, commander of the team battling the wildfire.

Up to 1,000 firefighters are expected to be battling it within a few days. Humphrey estimated it could take them two to three weeks to contain the blaze.

The fire, driven by winds gusting up to 60 mph, first roared through Summerhaven on Thursday, leaving behind a trail of smoking rubble. The fire soon spread over the top of 9,157-foot Mount Lemmon and was burning down the north side. It appeared to have entered Mount Lemmon Ski Valley on Saturday, but it wasn't clear if there was extensive damage.

Pima County Supervisor Ray Carroll, whose district includes Mount Lemmon, said the wildfire had left ''probably three or four foundations for every cabin left.''

Some luxury homes were burned to the ground, but their gates, hedges and mailboxes were untouched, Carroll said.

A convertible stood unmarred near one devastated house. ''Not a scratch, not a cinder,'' Carroll said. ''Didn't even need a paint job. Doesn't even need a car wash at this point. ... Explain that one to me.''

By Saturday morning, the firefighters had managed to save 25 more homes in Summerhaven, which had an estimated 700 homes and cabins and a handful of businesses before the blaze, Peterson said.

Firefighters knew early they would have little chance of stopping the fire's spread.

''By the time this thing ignited, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion this thing was going to go where it wanted to go,'' Humphrey said.

The fire began in a place where the wind would take it right into town, he said. The area has been at its driest, giving fuel to the flames.

''It was kind of a double whammy-type thing on there, and actually, pretty much no matter what we did, we didn't have a chance,'' Humphrey said.

The blaze consumed pine trees ravaged by years of drought and a beetle infestation. Firefighters had tried to protect the homes along a trail about a mile away, but had to pull back when the intense blaze leaped the path. The cause of the fire was under investigation.

The wildfire was one of several in Arizona, where fire officials are braced for another busy year after seeing 630,000 acres burned in 2002.

For hundreds of thousands in Tucson, Summerhaven was a treasured escape from triple-digit heat in the summer and a place to throw snowballs or ski in the winter. For the 100 or so who call it home year-round, it's a tight-knit community with a rich history.

Residents and owners of second homes who were forced to evacuate continue to wait in Tucson, about 20 miles to the south, to learn the fate of their homes.

Lyn Guinther of Tucson said she was picking out dishes and tile grout for her new $200,000 cabin when the fire struck. She had been looking forward to celebrating the holidays there.

''My family is just devastated,'' she said. ''My two grandchildren and son were really counting on this.''

Fri, 20 Jun 2003 19:04:02 GMT

YUH. This is starting to look impossible. I keep getting these little tiny paychecks which have to go to bills. Fuck fuck fuck.

Brett called last night, out of the blue. He's all ".......So, wanna hang out?" He confuses me like nothing else. He's probably just looking to hookup before I leave. Slut. Haha.

I have a migraine so I'm going back to bed. Yaay.

Thu, 19 Jun 2003 04:47:33 GMT

The hardest part of this is waiting. A whole month before I can move up and out and on with my life. I've already started packing. I'm gonna miss everyone and everything, even if they don't miss me.

I just have to keep telling myself that I am a city girl and I will thrive in the masses in Tucson.

I will get a good job and have a nice apartment and possibly a nice boyfriend (boys in Tucson are a special breed) and maybe a cat or a fish.

I will have health insurance and paid time off.

I will go to school.

I will go the Mission and spend hours just sitting.

I will eat Krispy Kreme donuts and drink Eegee's and Slurpees and Jones Soda.

I will go to Mexico and NOT drink the water.

I will survive in the traffic.

I will go to Mt. Lemmon and escape the heat and watch for bears.

I will see Jil. (YAAY! JIL HAS A DOG!!!!!!!!!1) Hehe.

I will rave, maybe.

I will go to Phoenix to see all the good concerts.

I will meet new people every day.

I will go the park and feed the ducks.

And most of all I will find what I'm looking for. I hope.

It's for the best really. I just keep telling myself that.

I want to leave tonight, while I still have the balls. A month is a long time.